"I am thy creature..."
The Black Box
“It was already one in the morning; the rain pattered dismally against the panes, and my candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open; it breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs.” - Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein
We’ve gone two full calendar years since IHOP’s founder was exposed1. The ministry itself has gone quiet and shown minimal to zero amounts of recompense, ownership and responsibility.
It’s spooky season.
I am thy creature. A collection of strange theologies pieced together. Electrified with ego in the form of always-rightness.
The wind is biting. The clouds haven’t parted for a week and the drizzle of rain has been steady. I stare out the window with a lit candle next to me.
I am now two months into a sabbatical, the dust of busyness has settled leaving me the gift of time for more reflection.
I’m reading Frankenstein. It seemed fitting for October and Halloween. And even more fitting for the two year anniversary of the IHOPKC scandal.
Being four or so chapters in I’m already enamored at the genius of this novel. A story within a story. There are layered meanings, scientific and political themes, complexities of human emotions and idealism.
A monster is brought to life through a hodgepodge collection of bones, muscle and sinew by the passion, of an idealistic mad-scientist-creator and I can’t help but see a strange, metaphorical picture of IHOPKC hidden in this cautionary tale.
It is a theological Frankenstein’s monster. A failed experiment. A mash-up of beliefs and theologies cherry picked from scripture, taken out of context, super charged with self proclaimed heavenly encounters from its former leader and given a life of its own; exotic trash…if you will.
“Remember that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel, whom thou drivest from joy for no misdeed...”
I am thy creature. A collection of strange theologies pieced together. Electrified with ego in the form of always-rightness.
The marks on my soul cannot be undone.
Everyday I go to war with the monster within. To re-teach her. To re-parent her. To re-educate her. With patience. With compassion. But also with grief. With sadness. With anger. With shame.
I sit with her in the dark.
I have double vision. I second guess myself at times. Back and forth. Trying to bring the way forward into focus.
One day I make peace with my past. It is a part of me. Another day I feel the anger and the shame.
The cultish beliefs still pop up in my head. They are not in the drivers seat anymore, but that doesn’t mean they don’t shout to me from the back from time to time.
I am not looking for nor needing hope. I have it. I am merely allowing a look into the cracks and crevices of my contemplations.
Knowing I am not the sum of my past doesn’t negate the internal mountains I must overcome.
Happy Halloween IHOP survivors.
If it walks like a monster, talks like a monster, and acts like a monster it’s probably IHOPKC or some other cult.
It is a theological Frankenstein’s monster. A failed experiment. A mash-up of beliefs and theologies cherry picked from scripture, taken out of context, super charged with self proclaimed heavenly encounters from its former leader and given a life of its own; exotic trash2…if you will.
No one needs IHOPKC more than IHOPKC. It’s a circle of deep delusion that feeds off itself.
That is very spooky.
Happy Halloween IHOPKC survivors. I hope you go trick-or-treating, meet your neighbors you were taught to fear, and hand out candy to kids dressed as demons. May you keep finding freedom, joy, peace and heal the ‘monster’ within. For if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
This is incredibly articulated Katie.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Well said - wonderful thoughts.